pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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