my phone needs a breathalizer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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