dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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