My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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