Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
