so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
