i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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