shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
