you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
