Who did Billy Mays play for?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
