After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
