How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ugly people sure do ruin things
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.