Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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