I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
