Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
