tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
