I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
