haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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