Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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