I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize