If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
