Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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