ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
