So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
