so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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