? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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