Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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