She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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