sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize