Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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