i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
