So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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