legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
did i just pee glitter
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
