She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A bitchslap is in order.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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