are you so shy because you have an std?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
