I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
