I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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