I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
