Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
