I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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