He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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