im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
