i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need to align my fucking chakras
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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