I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you had me at cake vodka
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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