I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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