I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
