smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He kissed a someone with a penis
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
