You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
