so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
