I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
