it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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