after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize