his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
