Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
