Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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