so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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