i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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