Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
