She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
