I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
