Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
