I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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