the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize