I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
