could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize