i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
