but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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