Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
